My friend died today…….

Background:

At my workplace, we had a guy come in do to an Audio audition. We are involved in providing voice over work for training videos, and need voice talents to do the recordings. This guy was an experienced television journalist and had considerable experience with broadcasting in the UK. At the time, our office was recruiting sales staff for our overseas clients, and in conversation with our general manager, he expressed an interest in working for us as a salesman. Given that a lot of this work was done over the phone, and this guy had a natural flair for conversation and generating a good image verbally, he was hired in that capacity.

It was most unusual that our company would employ him given that he was 67 years old. But he was so energetic, full of life and enthusiasm, and quite gragerious, it was easy to accept on the team. I know, from my later conversations with him that he was thrilled to get the opportunity to work in a company so full of young people and that he felt so readily accepted as one of the group.

He and I quickly became good friends. We shared the same outlook on so many things it was a pleasure to be in his company. He had had so many wonderful experiences and had travelled all around the world, had been friends with super stars, celebreties, highly placed politicians, and people from all walks of life, so it was a great experience just to have a lunch with him and listen to him retell some of the stories of his past.

I really only knew him for three months, so was only begninning to know the guy. But to know this man was surely to love him. He had a charsma about him that caused everyone to feel the same way about him. I met him through my working in Thailand, and at the time, he set the record for girlfriend experience. During one of our lunches together, he introduced me to his girlfriend, Bell, a Thai lady aged only 22, less than one third his age. My first impression was that she must surely be a gold digger and hooking this old guy to get at his money. After meeting her and knowing her better, I can say for certain that this was not the case. She really did love this guy for who he was and she also knew that he was not a rich man. I guess she just hoped that the fairy tale love story for her would go on forever in spite of his age.

But he had a big problem. His heart was seriously unhealthy and he knew of it for over ten years before this story began. Unfortunately he kept this to himself. He also had a great aversion to any kind of medical procedure and made himself believe that if he ignored the problem it would just go away or at least not bother him any more than it was doing at that time. that is probably why he did not confide this to anyone else because he knew that his friends would make him go and face the problem head on and get proper treatment.

On Tuesday 20 th November 2007 I went with my friend to lunch in a restaurant near our office. He was in great spirits, and we talked all through our extended lunch time of all kinds of topics, especially about life in Thailand. We really did seem to just hit it off and were on the same page with our views on just about everything. Our experiences so similar, although his were a lot broader than mine. As always, this lunch outing from the office was a really most enjoyable time.

But on the way back to the office, (it was a walk of about 1km) he quite frequently stopped, pretending to look at something in the citiscape of Bangkok. Around this inner city area of this great city there is always something fascinating to stop to marvel at, his pretence was at first easily accepted. But the look on his face told me he was in great discomfort. When I asked more about this, he just said that he had some indigestion problems and his acid reflux was playing up, he would be fine soon. “You go on, I will just walk back slowly and see you in the office later”. No way said I, and that I was happy to just wait with him and walk back slowly to be sure that he got back to the office okay.

“Have you had this checked out with the doctor? “ I asked. “Sure”, said he, and that he had an appointment the following day at the hospital for a full check up. I advised him that it was more than a little important that he get that done. We arrived back at the office without any further incident, and I went to see him at his desk a couple of hours later and he beamed his great smile at me and said that he felt fine and was having a great day, and thanks for the enjoyable lunch time. No need for concern and yes, he promised that he would go to see the doctor in the morning. That was the last time I saw him.

During the night his discomfort grew progressively worse, and at around 4am, Bell finally convinced him that she should take him to the hospital without waiting any longer.
IAN DONALD BLACK died on Wednesday 21st November, 2007.

One week later, on Wednesday 28th November, 2007, his girlfriend Bell, aged 22, a very genuine young Thai lady, had the following conversation with me on MSN Messenger. I asked her to tell me about that day, and so she did, and this historic document I have created to so that those who hear of this story can know what really happened, and come to know that Bell is not the stereotypical young Thai girlfriend. I hope that she will forgive me for the pain that she went through in relating the story to me, but it was important for all who knew Ian to know what happened, and important (maybe?) for her to get it out of her soul.

(Bell does not know yet that this record exists. By now, the pain of his passing has faded a little, but I know for sure he is still there with her in those quiet lonely times. I put the story here for anyone who has an interest in the life and times of Ian Donald Black 1940 – 2007 and want to know the final chapter.)
Bell says (8:27 PM):
sawadee kha

Wheeling Circles says (8:27 PM):
Hi Bell

Bell says (8:27 PM):
how are you ?

Wheeling Circles says (8:28 PM):
I am fine thanks

Bell says (8:28 PM):
my day off changed now it’s cool so I can get to have day off this weekend

Wheeling Circles says (8:28 PM):
how was your day?

Bell says (8:28 PM):
very busy as usual

Wheeling Circles says (8:29 PM):
well, that is good

Wheeling Circles says (8:29 PM):
and you are finished packing all things ready to move out to your new room?

Bell says (8:30 PM):
well not yet

Bell says (8:30 PM):
but i will be finish by Sat.

Bell says (8:30 PM):
it is a lot and when i come home i am lazy already

Bell says (8:31 PM):
so I think I will wait until friday night and saturday to finish

Bell says (8:31 PM):
to get ready on Sunday

Wheeling Circles says (8:33 PM):
Okay, if you need help, let me know

Bell says (8:34 PM):
so that church is on Soi Ruamrudi….mmmm…i’ve been there before I think with Ian . We went to the French restaurant…

Wheeling Circles says (8:34 PM):
well, if you check the website, you will see that it is a Catholic Church

Bell says (8:34 PM):
like you saw that time in my room when you came to get his work things

Bell says (8:34 PM):
everything is ok now only a bit of my stuffs

Wheeling Circles says (8:34 PM):
but maybe that does not really matter that much

Bell says (8:34 PM):
i’m looking at the website

Wheeling Circles says (8:35 PM):
well, Ian did not think too much about Catholic or Protestant, or who is right, or who is better

Bell says (8:35 PM):
no

Wheeling Circles says (8:35 PM):
but that will be a good place, and you can just tell them that this man was not a Catholic, and you just want a very simple memorial service

Wheeling Circles says (8:35 PM):
they can do a service that is not catholic, just a nice little service

Bell says (8:36 PM):
so do I have to be the representative and get the death certificate at the hospital or no ?

Wheeling Circles says (8:37 PM):
No

Bell says (8:37 PM):
ian wouldn’t care where…he is very simple actually

Wheeling Circles says (8:37 PM):
you will not be able to get any death certificate until the hospital bill is paid

Bell says (8:37 PM):
who will do this ?

Wheeling Circles says (8:38 PM):
I am not sure if his friend or family can pay the bill

Bell says (8:39 PM):
hmmmmm

Bell says (8:40 PM):
they had no money ?

Wheeling Circles says (8:40 PM):
Ians friend is the one that offered the hospital 100000

Wheeling Circles says (8:40 PM):
but the hospital said that it had to be 300000

Wheeling Circles says (8:40 PM):
so…….. now we don’t know what he is going to do

Wheeling Circles says (8:40 PM):
and the hospital says that they want him to also still pay the 600 per day for keeping the body

Bell says (8:41 PM):
hmmmm

Bell says (8:41 PM):
this is not good now

Wheeling Circles says (8:41 PM):
there has to be a settlement somehow

Wheeling Circles says (8:42 PM):
but just now, not sure what that is going to be

Wheeling Circles says (8:42 PM):
I don’t know anyone who has that much money to fix the hospital bill

Bell says (8:44 PM):
Ian would be sad…I am sad

Bell says (8:44 PM):
this is big serious problem

Wheeling Circles says (8:44 PM):
to be honest, I think that Ian would think it a little funny and wonder what the hospital was going to do

Bell says (8:44 PM):
lol

Wheeling Circles says (8:44 PM):
I don’t really think that he would be that worried about it

Wheeling Circles says (8:45 PM):
he can see that they are just wanting to get their money

Bell says (8:45 PM):
the hospital ?

Wheeling Circles says (8:45 PM):
And, he would not want anyone to have to pay out that much money out for him

Bell says (8:45 PM):
no

Bell says (8:46 PM):
maybe the hospital is too good

Bell says (8:46 PM):
but they should have some sympathy

Bell says (8:46 PM):

or maybe abit of a discount

Bell says (8:46 PM):
if the family really cannot pay

Bell says (8:46 PM):
they should have understand

Bell says (8:46 PM):
but…oh well…

Bell says (8:48 PM):
i don’t think that morning he met doctor

Bell says (8:48 PM):
as i told you i was waiting

Bell says (8:48 PM):
but no doctor came in to the room

Wheeling Circles says (8:48 PM):
can you tell me about that morning?

Wheeling Circles says (8:49 PM):
You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to tell the story

Bell says (8:49 PM):
nurses told me nothing

Bell says (8:49 PM):
i saw him again when it was like…maybe 6:30 am i guess

Bell says (8:49 PM):
and then Ian and I talked

Bell says (8:49 PM):
and I went to the nurse

Bell says (8:49 PM):

i asked her what was wrong with him

Bell says (8:50 PM):
she said “I don’t know I haven’t seen the report i think you should wait for the doctor”

Bell says (8:50 PM):
I said ” where is he?”

Bell says (8:50 PM):
She said ” in the emergency room”

Bell says (8:50 PM):
I said” ok I will wait”

Bell says (8:50 PM):
I waited for 2 hours but no one came

Bell says (8:51 PM):
and at afternoon doctor wouldn’t talk to me he wouldn’t even explain to me in Thai he talked to Mark in stead

Bell says (8:51 PM):
and it made me felt like….separate

Bell says (8:51 PM):
so I looked at his face and listened to him spoke English

Bell says (8:51 PM):
that was funny

Bell says (8:51 PM):
but in that morning

Bell says (8:51 PM):
I smilied to him

Bell says (8:52 PM):
he smiled back

Bell says (8:52 PM):
and we

Bell says (8:52 PM):
I..

Bell says (8:52 PM):
I asked him

Bell says (8:52 PM):
how was his chest

Bell says (8:52 PM):
he said it was a bit sore but he was fine

Bell says (8:52 PM):
and he told me to go to work he wanted to sleep

Bell says (8:52 PM):
before I left i hugged him and gave him a kiss

Bell says (8:53 PM):
on his lips

Bell says (8:53 PM):
and we smiled to each other

Bell says (8:53 PM):
i will never forget that

Bell says (8:53 PM):
i told him I will be back

Bell says (8:53 PM):
his last word made..me cried

Bell says (8:53 PM):
he said…

Bell says (8:54 PM):
“I love you and I will always love you. I’m sorry I really am sorry. Goodbye”

Bell says (8:54 PM):
i didn’t want him to see me cry

Bell says (8:54 PM):
so I turn away

Bell says (8:55 PM):
and told him ” I’ll be back again ok? “

Bell says (8:55 PM):
he nodded and then winked at me

Wheeling Circles says (8:55 PM):
but up to that time, there had been no doctor looking at him?

Bell says (8:56 PM):
NO

Wheeling Circles says (8:56 PM):
before you went, what did the doctor do for him?

Bell says (8:56 PM):
no one came at all

Bell says (8:56 PM):
I was very upset

Bell says (8:56 PM):
I aksed nurse twice

Wheeling Circles says (8:56 PM):
what time was that?

Bell says (8:56 PM):
it was between 6:30 am – 8:30 am

Wheeling Circles says (8:57 PM):
so you left at about 8.30?

Bell says (8:57 PM):
yes

Bell says (8:57 PM):
in the morning

Bell says (8:57 PM):
around 8:30 am

Wheeling Circles says (8:58 PM):
what time did they call you and say that he was in trouble and you should come back?

Bell says (8:58 PM):
around 10:10 Am

Wheeling Circles says (8:59 PM):
Oh……. not very not long

Bell says (8:59 PM):
no

Bell says (8:59 PM):
not long

Bell says (9:00 PM):
when I walked in there

Bell says (9:00 PM):
i saw doctors and nurses all around him

Bell says (9:00 PM):
tried to save his life

Bell says (9:00 PM):
but…

Bell says (9:00 PM):
they couldn’t

Bell says (9:00 PM):
finally

Bell says (9:01 PM):
and…

Bell says (9:01 PM):
i knew he was not gonna make it

Bell says (9:01 PM):
but…i had hope

Bell says (9:01 PM):
a little bit of hope

Bell says (9:01 PM):
but then at about 3:15 pm

Bell says (9:01 PM):
doctor told me…

Bell says (9:02 PM):
“his heart is too weak i think we have to let him go”

Bell says (9:02 PM):
i said

Bell says (9:02 PM):
“so we really have to let him go ?”

Bell says (9:02 PM):
he said “yes, I think so”

Bell says (9:02 PM):
I said “so..then let it be”

Bell says (9:03 PM):
and i cried

Bell says (9:03 PM):
all day

Bell says (9:03 PM):
that day

Bell says (9:03 PM):
and the next day

Bell says (9:03 PM):
even now

Bell says (9:03 PM):
and i told the nurse

Bell says (9:04 PM):
can i go in side the room and see him

Bell says (9:04 PM):
they let me stay in there for a while

Bell says (9:04 PM):
his face was so pale

Bell says (9:04 PM):
and…

Bell says (9:04 PM):
but still

Bell says (9:04 PM):
peaceful

Bell says (9:04 PM):
then I cried out

Bell says (9:04 PM):
i said why

Bell says (9:04 PM):
so many times

Bell says (9:04 PM):
i touch his face

Bell says (9:05 PM):
his arms were still warm

Bell says (9:05 PM):
his body

Bell says (9:05 PM):
….

Bell says (9:05 PM):
Ian hates when I cry

Bell says (9:05 PM):
he always come and kiss me in the eyes to stop crying

Bell says (9:05 PM):
but this time…

Bell says (9:05 PM):
only me who can stop myself to cry

Wheeling Circles says (9:06 PM):
How long did you stay with him?

Bell says (9:06 PM):
not for long..

Bell says (9:06 PM):
after he’s gone

Bell says (9:06 PM):
I couldn’t even walk or stand

Bell says (9:07 PM):
i felt like I was going to have a faint

Bell says (9:07 PM):
but no

Bell says (9:07 PM):
i managed myself to the ground floor

Bell says (9:07 PM):
and sit there for a while

Bell says (9:07 PM):
and kept tellin myself it was just a dream

Bell says (9:07 PM):
it wasn’t true

Bell says (9:07 PM):
he was sleeping

Bell says (9:07 PM):
bla bla bla

Bell says (9:07 PM):
all the lying that I could think of that time

Bell says (9:08 PM):
then finally I took a taxi home

Bell says (9:08 PM):
to my parent’s house

Bell says (9:08 PM):
and I was in a state of shock

Bell says (9:08 PM):
for long time after that

Bell says (9:08 PM):
sometimes at night time I will think of him and cry

Bell says (9:09 PM):
i told u i only cry at night time

Bell says (9:09 PM):
i felt so….

Bell says (9:09 PM):
i don’t know to explain

Bell says (9:09 PM):
lonely and something is missing

Bell says (9:10 PM):
and…i miss his kisses and hugs

Bell says (9:10 PM):
his words

Bell says (9:10 PM):
the way he talked or walked or sang

Wheeling Circles says (9:10 PM):
I am so sorry Bell. I hope soon time will make the pain less sharp

Bell says (9:11 PM):
i will never forget him. he used to say ” pls don’t forget me Bell.”

Bell says (9:11 PM):
i don’t know what does he mean until now

Bell says (9:11 PM):
….

Bell says (9:13 PM):
pls can we just stop now ?

Wheeling Circles says (9:13 PM):
yes

Bell says (9:14 PM):
ok

Wheeling Circles says (9:14 PM):
thank you for telling me your story

Bell says (9:14 PM):
with tears all over my faace

Wheeling Circles says (9:15 PM):
I know that he loved you, and you can always keep that in your heart

Wheeling Circles says (9:16 PM):
You made the last year of his life the happiest of all of his life……. so that is something really special that you gave to him. You can be happy that you were able to do that for him.
At this point, I had to call her on the phone, and just talk for a very long time until she started to recover from the memories of that terrible day in her very young life. She really does genuinely love this man, her only 22 and him at 67; not like a father image, and certainly not a sugar daddy. This was a true love relationship, but, unfortunately it was a relationship that was doomed to end on a day like this.